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Four people you will meet in life...

2006-05-12T01:55:00.000+08:00

Life is the process of finding love;
every person will need to find four people in their life.

First person is yourself,
Second person is the one you love most,
Third person is the one who love you most,
And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, you will usually first meet with the one you love most,
and learn how love feels.
Because you know how love feels,
so you can find the person who loves you most.
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved,
you will then know what it is you need most.
Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you,
to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly,
in real life,
these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most doesn't love you.
The one who love you most is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with,
is never the one you love most or the one who love you most.
He or she is just the person who happens to be
at the right place at the right time.
Which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you.
But when he doesn't love you anymore, he really doesn't love you anymore. When he loves you, he can't pretend that he doesn't.

Same goes, when he loves you no more,
there's no way he can pretend he loves you.
When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you.
You must ask yourself if you still love him,
If you also don't love him anymore,
do not keep him just to save your pride.
If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
and hope that he will be with the one he loves most,
not stop him from it.

If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves,
it shows you already don't love him,
And if you don't love him,
what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive.

If you like the moon, you can't just take it down and put it in your basin,
But the moonlight still shines upon you.
In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person.

Let him become a permanent memory in you life.
If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is.
Love him for his good points, and the bad.
You can't wish for him to become like what you will like him to be just because you love him.
If he can't change to become what you like him to be,
you don't love him anymore.
When you really love a person,
you cannot find a reason why you love him.
You only know that no matter when and where,
good mood or bad mood,
you will wish to have this person be with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems
without asking for promises or listing criterias.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times,
not always be on the receiving end.
Being away from each other is a type of test.
If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat.

Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love,they love to ask each other to swear, to make promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover.
These swear and promises are useless;
Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall; the ocean will never dry,
Even if it does happen, are we still alive by then?

Be careful when making promises;
don't make promises that you cannot keep.
Swear by things that can never happen,
because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually.

In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another;
The one saying, doesn't believe; the one listening, also doesn't believe.
Which person have you found so far?
In the world so big, which person have you found?
And who has found you?

~I loved you baby. I loved you the most. Sadly, I presume you were not meant for me. I wished we could be together during our good and bad times. I wished we could have worked out...

Why? Why? Why?

2005-12-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

Finally you asked me what was this blog address. Finally, I have more guts to talk to you and ask you. You claimed you missed me. You claimed you still love me. But I kept asking myself if you do, then why do you hurt me with the things you did?

I've always trusted you. I've always believed in you. No matter how much I tried forget about you, you still appear in my dreams making them into nightmares. You'll message me without replying my replies.

Why do you make me love you so much but you make me cry all these times? Why do I even love you at the first place? Why did I treasure you so much but you did not treasure what you have? What wrong have I done to deserve all these?

10 Things I Hate About You.

2005-11-27T15:58:00.000+08:00

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick;

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it,

I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around,

and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

Aftermath

2005-10-22T21:19:00.000+08:00

So... Yesterday u called. Surprisingly you tried finding me. Surprised I'm not there to send you off? Haha. Not trying to be mean you know but I have a life too. I can't possibly dwell on you and pin my hopes on you.

I forgive you for everthing you've done to me and I'm sure you know what are they. I hoped you'd forgive me for me and my mistakes too.

I did try baby. I did but you blew me off. The break ups were because of you. I know I'm not perfect and I did make mistakes. I did try to change and I did my best. So sorry it did not work out between us.

Thanks to you my heart is closed. I may be single and dating but in my heart guys are the same. Thank you for showing me how it was like to fall in love, be in love, be "loved", loving someone so dearly and of course falling out of love.

It seemed impossible to be the soft and warm person I used to be towards you.

Maaf zahir batin.

Dilemma

2005-10-20T13:08:00.000+08:00

"Hey hi nad,jus wana say gd bye b4 i fly to taiwan ya.hw r u btw?is everyting ok?takecare of urself aite..i still care even if i dun c u here." 20 Oct 05 10:27am

Baby, I woke up early today. Then receive your message. I thought I was dreaming to receive this message. But I wasn't. I was in reality. Baby, I got to apologise. But I dun believe what you said. You said you care but why didn't you reply me or accept my calls?

I got a confession to make. Like you, I've also changed. You went back to your old wonderful life and got worst. This time around, I also changed my ways. Like you, I took a step more. This is the change which we live in now. I doubt you'd ever going to know what is difference in me. Coz you never know me well enough.

You made me in a dilemma. My heart raced upon ur msg. It was not suppose to happen this way. I must stop thinking of you. I will right after you leave for Taiwan.

Family Ties

2005-10-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

I picked up the courage to remind you that it is your bestfriend's birthday. Sadly, you didn't reply.

Baby, I met with Cik Leha and her first and last daughters in bus no 21. I was with Faizah. I was going home accompanying her to buy her Baju Raya. I salam her as per normal. However, I was stunned when I see her. I was speechless. But I still hold my stirred emotions and talk to her as per normal. I even salam her as I was going down the bus. I missed the things I used to do. I missed the times we were together. Things aren't the same now. It's been 2 nights that I sleep. I kept thinking of you. The loneliness inside is killing me. But there's no one who can heal me but you. If only you would drop me a message or give me a call. You told me to take care but I can't my dear. No one is taking care of my heart. No one is making me smile like you do.

Baby, I read my old journals with you. Do you remember the things we went through last time? Those were the things we went through together that bond us together. Those were the things that make us fall in love and learn how to adapt to one another. I wish I could turn back time. Things were so fine in those days. I wished you would not change... I knew I loved you

Soccer Camp

2005-09-30T13:36:00.000+08:00

Baby, I'll be away for the weekends again. Still hoping you would drop by to read this blog. Even though it's boring but I tried to make it as interesting as possible. Time had not been on my side. Every day I prayed that you would be fine despite me appearing strong in front of my friends. Please take care. I see you the next time I see you my dear.

Mummy

2005-09-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

Baby, I messaged your mummy asking about her whereabouts. She told me about to think twice about the break up. What exactly did you tell your mum? I know by now you don't care about how I felt. But get this straight.

The break up was first initiated because I am truly hurt by you but at the same time if u think about it, it's for the best of us baby. I love you I had to let you go. One day, you will know that. I really love you. I had to teach you how to live on your own without me being your barrier for anything you might wanna do. One instant is clubbing. I have never stop you from going. It was you who made the decision not to go when we were together. All these times you changed urself even without me saying first. You did it for me. I know you must be tired leading life the way you don't want it to be kan? Baby, please understand that I never meant to stop loving you.

Now, here I am 2 months down the road wishing you're by me. I missed u so much only God knows how much tears I have for you. Only god knows how much I wish I can have you beside me or worst, have a glimpse of your face. I appear strong outside but inside, bears a bleeding heart covered with thin spiky thorns.

Baby, I hoped one day you would wake up and realised that the lifestyle you're living now is not advisable. You know it's haram, Sayang. Why do you still do so? I miss calling you Sayang. I miss you alot. If only you could read my writings. If only you can lower your ego and we can talk heart to heart. If only you can be truthful to me. I know why you lied to me or dun tell me the truths. It's because you hate to see me cry...

Miracle

2005-09-26T00:59:00.000+08:00

I was in JB when i received your message. I was about to pray and thank god consistently for receiving your message. But I did not answer till I reached Singapore. You sent,

Hey..hi.hw r u?everytings fine?nw u dun msg me ready eh..y?gt bf ready
isit?know wat?its been a lng time since we've tallk or meet.n i can say tat
i kind of miss u.u can call me if u wan when u wakeup aite.or mayb we
can meetup or wat tday.

I'll be lying if I was not happy to receive your message. But behind the smile, the wound from my heart bleed again. You said you kind of miss me. Do you mean what you said or was it one of your traps to hurt me again.

Because of you, two months down the row, I still cry myself to sleep.

Because of you, I was almost been used by other guys.

Because of you, I lost hope in life. But I still continue. Coz I hope to live to see you change.

Baby, I'm sorry I left you just like that. I know in your eyes I dumped you. But things were too much for me to handle. I loved you with all my heart. Sacrifised everything that is dear to me just for you. What about the times I wanted to run away from home for you? I wished I know why you meant so much to me? Why I felt very lost without you since you weren't my boyfriend in name.

Do you even know you were an enormous part of me? Ya, I know I was stupid enough to love you. But I just do. Baby, never assume I never loved you. This separation is for the both of us. The love we had 3 years ago was strong and wonderful. I loved you so much that I forgive you for every sins you've done me wrong. I loved you too much I had to let you go. I know I would not be able to give you the happiness you want. I just love you. I want you to be happy. Just tell me. But you don't.

I told Adik when she confessed about your secret relationship, "I love Zai but I can't be selfish. Now I am with him, I will be with him but if one day, you guys were to get together. I'll tell you the things you need to know. I tell you what he's like. I tell you it's not going to be easy. It will be easier if I tell you."

Baby, you wouldn't realise this now, but hopefully one day, you would think about me and appreciate the things I went through when I was called your girl. I never regret knowing you. Just that I regret was not being on guard. I loved you whole-heartedly and never even had the thought that one day you would turn your back to me. I was wrong. I guess I had never been good enough for you. I'm sorry.

Voice Out

2005-09-17T14:08:00.000+08:00

Baby, I feel like meeting you today. But look at the time, if we go out at this time, you'd probably be tired and cranky. You never msg or call me. I wanna meet u. I wanna find you. I wanna tell you about how I feel. How I always feel and why I made the decisions I made. I know you hate me. I know you have a new life. I dun wanna be misunderstood. I just want to meet you for the last time.

2005-09-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

Rekindle?

2005-09-12T11:11:00.000+08:00

Things had been bad between us baby. For a week, you never contact me. You called me names like no one's business. You hurt me by doing things you never did. Why baby? You found someone new is it? You might say you cant be bothered about girls but I'm sure u must have rekindle with someone. I suspect it's ur fling. Baby, if it's true, I wish you all the best. Even though it hurts me to know the truth but if that would make up happy so be it.

You were not like this when I knew you. The sudden change really disappoints me.

2005-09-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

Full Stop!

2005-08-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

I called you and you did not pick up. Then I called again twice, it was diverted to your voicemail. Thank you so much. Then I message you "Have fun." It was delivered. Wow! What a wonderful thing baby. Why am I even wasting my time thinking of you? Why am I even missing you? You claimed you missed me but do you even mean it? Please la, I know I may be wrong and sinful for doing this but I know you're busy clubbing now and you rejected my calls. Go and do what every you like la eh? I dont want to know!

In Memories

2005-08-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

Baby, I'm sorry I had to do this. After all, after long thoughts and courage, it was for our best. I did it for you and me. For our future too I hope. This separation is to test our love. It is to see our fate together. If one day we're meant to be, we will be together.

I must be lying if I say I am happy with my decision. As much as it breaks yours, it broke mine too. I'm a lady my dear. Someone who desires her life full of love. As she has one, so pure and unseparable, she was willing to forsake them for you. In search of your love. Love need sacrifises. Things were too tough for this lady, my baby.

I'm sorry I let you go. I'm sorry I broke your heart... again.

2005-06-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

My Baby POP

2005-06-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

2005-05-20T15:51:00.000+08:00

Today is a special day. 20.05.2005 I remember exactly 2 years & 2 months ago. I was officially Zai's girl. Though we broke up and made up, life goes on. I'm 20. Quiting Delifrance soon, going NYP and moving on with my life. God loves me. He made me suffer so that I'll think about him, pray to him. When I am well, I remember him, do good deeds and I got my price. I'm back on track with the person I truly love. Someone I knew so well, like a kid to me. I'm continueing my life despite what people have to say. Let them hate me, dont talk to me, it's their loss. Here's my plan:

Quit Delifrance
Get my NYP done. CLDF02, here I come.
Get my timetable and get tuition assignments.
When I'm 21, I'll set up another account preferably with Zai
When I graduate, get a job or
Get married and pursue degree with Zai.

I don't want to be the only one successful in life. I want him to be one too. Zai is a talented fellow. Just that he is playful. He's all grown up. Big and tough. Getting more attractive, I must say.

I want to be with him because he makes me feel secure.

He makes me feel loved.

Though he's rarely around, he is the reason I wake up everyday to.

His smile brightens up my day.

His touch makes all the pain go away.

This is love.

I can do lots of things but it would not mean a thing to me if he is not there. I need his huge support by me. Physically, mentally and even emotionally. Even though we've been together for 3 years, I feel that he doesn't know me that well. It's ok. At least now I can see him changing. More concern and supportive towards me. I'm glad. I am relieved all these times I went through things alone or with someone new I had fallen for, I still go back to square one.

June 7th will be the day I'll leave school for a day to watch my boyfriend march down with his troop in his army attire for his passing out parade. There, I'll witness my boyfriend turning to a man. As I continue my life for him. He still needs guidance. He needs a light. That day, I'll see my light from the green. It's my knigh in his shiny armour.

Kind Of Person You Are

2005-05-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

Funny - Able to make jokes or do foolish things to make people laugh
Strong - Strong physically. With stamina, agile and great reflexs.
Active - As agile as a monkey. Active at things you like or willing to do only.
Stylish - Likes surfer brands. Often seen at Flash & Splash, looking or browsing at slippers, bags and t-shirts
Health drop - a)Always strained your back after long straneous workout - b)Chest pains due to either inheritance or excessive use of the lungs
Love Life - Love one and only one. She meant the world to you but she kept slipping from you.